Guilty Conscience
by Eurgh
Summary: That kiss ended so much more quickly than I would have liked it to. I wanted to be a pirate just for another moment. Instead, the firm clank of metal kept him braced against the ship. Spoilers of POTC2.


That kiss ended so much more quickly than I would have liked it to. He was right- curiosity. I wanted to play the bad girl a little while longer. I wanted to be a _pirate_ just for another moment.

Instead, the firm _clank_ of metal kept him braced against the ship.

When I pulled away, glaring at him, he didn't look surprised. He was smiling. Part of me wondered if he was ready to die, if he was finally putting himself to rest. But that wouldn't be very likely from Captain Jack Sparrow.

"It's not after us, Jack. It's not after the Pearl." I tried to explain myself. I didn't know why I felt it necessary to explain myself to this horrible man, this man who had nearly tricked my fiancé into working off his own debt with the terrible Davey Jones. "It's after _you_. This is the only way."

"Pirate." He was smiling, eyes dancing in mirth, as he stared at me. Why was he smiling? Did he know he had been right? Curiosity? Did he not care that I had just condemned him to death?

I jerked away from him, and set out across the ship. Will looked at me, an unreadable expression gracing his face.

"Where's _Jack_?"

I paused. Did he know about the kiss? It was only to distract him long enough so that I could chain him to the _Black Pearl_. It wasn't for my own pleasure! Will, I promise…

I said none of these things. I couldn't bear to lie to the one man I truly loved.

"He is staying behind." I answered instead, sitting down in the long boat.

"Hmm… I guess that honest streak finally won out." Gibbs looked at the boat wistfully. I tried to ignore the wave of guilt passing over me. Will's strange glances at me continued. He saw the strange look passing over my face.

I wonder if I was the only one to hear Jack yell. I flinched when he did. It didn't sound like a yelp of pain, or of fear. I had never seen Jack afraid until he nearly kissed me before. His yell was one of triumph. He was shouting loudly, and I didn't understand any of it.

As we rowed, I thought about Jack and I thought about Will. I loved Will. He was the only man I would ever be with my entire life. He was reliable, intelligent, and loving. He risked his life to save mine. And forever I would love him. Then, there was Jack.

You never really could fully trust Jack. He was a good man, whether he would admit it or not. He was unpredictable, wild, dangerous! He would do anything to get what he wanted. He was a true pirate. But, while there may have been fleeting passion and curiosity, I didn't _love_ him.

I would never _love_ Captain Jack Sparrow.

I was surprised when we found ourselves floating in a dense wood, surrounded by dark skinned people with candles. They knew Jack was dead. The boat bumped into some sort of dock, and slowly our mangy crew began to drag themselves out of the longboat. Will reached down to help me out. I opened my mouth to speak, to explain, but instead only managed a small thank you as I stepped out of the boat.

What a guilty conscience I had.

We each began to climb the ladder. Will, ever the gentleman, again helped me onto the platform. When he looked into my eyes, for the first time since Jack "chose" to stay behind, all I could see was pain and betrayal. I hoped I hadn't lost my Will forever.

As we filed into the cramped little shack in the tree, a dark woman with strange markings on her face walked out, holding a tray of candles. She looked so heartbroken, so miserable, that I had to turn away so that she wouldn't see the guilt.

I'm so sorry!

Unbidden tears slipped down my cheeks, no matter how I tried to stop them. Dear Jack, why did I kill you? Why did I condemn you to a terrible death by the Kraken? I glanced up. Will was looking at me.

Will. Why would I have used an underhanded trick that would hurt _you_ to end Jack's life? To save our own lives. I didn't want to die, Will. I didn't want to die. I didn't want you to die. _We_ were innocent. We did nothing against Davey Jones! Only Jack. So Jack was the one who had to pay.

That explanation sounded ridiculous, even in my mind.

I couldn't stop crying. I cried because Captain Jack Sparrow was dead, forever gone. I cried because it was entirely my fault. I cried for Gibbs and Will, both of whom were in obvious pain.

I would forever miss Captain Jack Sparrow. I would always think of him, and wonder if I _could_ have loved him. I would commit the same act of piracy a thousand times over to protect Will. Even though I partially did it to save Will, I know I also did it to save myself. I wanted to live to see my wedding day. I wanted to live.

"Here." The woman (had someone called her Tia Dalma?) offered me a mug. I stared at her blankly. "It helps with the cold," I noticed that goosebumps had risen on my arms, and I had them drawn about me. But I wasn't cold. "And the sadness."

Ah, this woman had nailed it on the spot. I accepted the drink, and took a sip. Not the best thing I had ever tasted, but I was in no position to say anything. I was lost in my own world, distracted by guilt. I assume they were talking about Jack, because each member of the crew was holding up a glass and looking me expectantly. I lifted my glass.

"He… He was a good man." I said begrudgingly. Will said nothing. But at least he could drink to Jack. I raised the glass to my lips, but drank nothing.

Again, there was more talking to which I paid no attention. I was watching Will. He looked so hurt, so lost, so betrayed. I wanted to tell him why I had kissed Jack, but that would be admitting I had killed him. I couldn't admit that.

"Would you sail to the ends of the earth to save him?" Tia Dalma asked. It broke through my private reverie. Around the room, every pirate said aye.

"Y-Yes." I answered. Will looked at me.

"Aye." His gaze never left my own.

And he saw my guilty conscience.

"Then you're going to need someone who knows it. Someone who's been there."

Captain Barbossa walked down those stairs. My gaze was finally ripped from Will's as the captain grinned at me (or at the entire group, I don't know) and took a bite from his apple.

And I wondered if he felt as guilty as I did at that moment when he left Jack on the island.

* * *

**Yeah. Just a drabble. This is just a one-shot.**


End file.
